Hello Reader

Most of us have been to enough networking events to know exactly how it goes. Someone asks what you do. You tell them. They tell you what they do. You both reach for a drink. You make an inane comment about the weather (particularly true for events in Melbourne). You then excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.

And while everyone on this planet says they hate small talk, we all (so easily) fall into this pattern at events. And I think that the problem lies in our ability to know how to ask a good question.

I recently spoke with one of my favourite writers, Daniel Coyle, on How I Work, about asking better questions. (If you don't know who Daniel is, he's the bestselling author of books such as The Culture Code and The Talent Code and his new book Flourish is out now and it is brilliant).

In an age where answers are (his words) "as cheap as tap water," the question is what has real value.

And the people who create the deepest connections are often the ones who ask the best questions.

Here are four worth keeping in your back pocket.

1. "What does your perfect day look like?"

Daniel says this question is one he returns to constantly, especially as he and his wife navigate life as empty nesters with suddenly more time on their hands. It sounds simple, but it opens up a real conversation about values, priorities and what someone actually wants from their life. Try it on someone you think you already know well. You might be surprised.

2. "What would someone need to know about you in order to be your best friend?"

Daniel describes this question as one that cuts through surface-level chat and gets at what someone genuinely values. It's the kind of question that creates what he calls "space" - room for a different kind of conversation than you'd normally have.

3. "What's energising you right now?"

This is Daniel's most-used question in day-to-day life, and since talking to Daniel, it's become my go-to one at networking events. It's open enough that the other person can take it anywhere, but specific enough that it invites a real answer. Compare it to "what are you working on?" - same territory, completely different feel. One is a task check-in. The other is an invitation.

4. "Why does this matter to you?"

This is the follow-up question that most of us never ask. Daniel makes the point that relationships aren't built in the big moments - rather, they happen in small pockets of genuine connection. Asking why something matters to someone is one of the fastest ways to get there.

Listen to the full episode here on Apple or Spotify.

So next time you're at an event and someone asks what you do - by all means, tell them. But then follow it up with one of the four questions above and see what happens.

And if you have a favourite question you love asking, hit reply and tell me! Some people collect stamps, but I like collecting great questions :)

Cheers

Amantha